Age is just a number

The next time I hear this statement from anyone, I shall poke their eyes out. Age is not just a number! If it were – I still would have the luscious hair I had at 24 and I wouldn’t have to worry about long sight glasses. Sigh – picture this; you’re on a date in one of Bangalore’s hot and happening pubs and can’t read the menu because you forgot your glasses! Now that means either I wear my long sight glasses around my neck  – like a grandma or I wear my soda glass prescription classes that make me look like a strict straitlaced catholic school teacher.    Three years ago, this would not have even been a topic for discussion!  Oh and ten years ago, I wouldn’t have needed L’Oreal to tell me “I’m worth it”; now I know the best hair color products not to mention the best hair color combinations ( try burgundy over a dark brown!).

Of course, my friends mean well when they say ‘Age is just a number’ – they want me to be open to more possibilities in my not so happening love life. The fact that this statement was last said to me by a date who is 15 years my senior obviously was in this context. Yes, he is youthful looking, articulate and intelligent to boot – but when I saw him walk into the pub last night in his striped blue shirt and black rimmed spectacles, I remember thinking to myself; ‘I don’t want to date my dad,’ which is who he reminded me of.  Can you fault me for that?

The other extreme is of course the young stud who is 10 years my junior who does the hot and cold routine – like a bathroom tap, today warm and friendly, tomorrow cold and distant. If this was in reference to a sauna, it would have been fun; nothing like the invigorating tingle of a cold shower after the steamy warmth of a hot sauna. Nope, when it is some young stud toying with you, you wish indeed that, ‘age was just a number’ – so that you could spank his bottom black and blue for his juvenile behavior.

Where are the nice men who are 2 – 3 years older than me? Evidently painting the town red with some 23 year old – Hrmmp!  Yeah right - If age is just a number, then Desi Brigit Jones is 2 going on 3… Time for a toddler tantrum - Waaaah!!

Canonization

So who do you go out with - the young rookie who’s emailing you or the suave senior citizen who’s calling you?

The answer to that question is - both! According to the experts, one must ‘duty date’ using the whole dating process as an experience for inner growth. Well Desi Brigit Jones knows she definitely needs practice in the area of dating  – so that she learns to say ‘No’ and not continue to date men just because she feels sorry for them or because she doesn’t want to be rude. Yes, that seems to be the bane of my dating life - ‘not wanting to be ‘rude’. This apparently is not a sign of good manners or being brought up well in a God fearing catholic home but rather a symptom of a psychological disorder known as ‘people –pleasing’.  Sigh – I don’t think I like all the psychology stuff I’m reading up; I seem to be coming up with more and more disorders by the day!

Yes, the good Lord said you should love others as you love yourself. The key thing here is to ‘love you’ – something most people don’t have a clue about. This means, nope I will NOT keep on going out with the dork because he reminds me of a sad puppy or with the lonely old man because I think no one else will have tea with him.

Even my four year old god daughter does a better job of saying ‘No’ than my forty something year old self.  Sigh… Oh to be a child again….

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 Brigit: You know I always wanted to be a saint as a little girl

God: I know – you kept saying the rosary and refused to go out to play even when I sent so many little kids to call you out.

Brigit: Yeah – well I think I know why – If there is ever going to be a patron saint for Disastrous daters it will be me – Saint Desi Brigit Jones.

God: Well, it does have a nice sound to it!

Brigit: After St. Alphonsa and Mother Teresa, I think it’s about time we had another Indian saint, don’t you think?

God: Absolutely!

Thought for the weekend

"A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with the source; her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from his soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man’s highest calling is to protect woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man’s lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman."

—Native American Cherokee Proverb.

Cupid’s helpers on the net

So I’m the guru of self-help on the net. If there is any seminar on love, dating, relationships on the internet, you can bet all their respective mailers are in my inbox. Most of these seminars are pretty good and I’ve always been impressed with the caliber of the speakers. Usually the seminar comprises interviews with 20 – 25 speakers of an hour each spread over the course of a month. All of them are free and you get to listen to the talks afterwards for 24 hours with the option of buying them should you want your own copy.

I’ve highlighted before the Love on Purpose Revolution and now the latest summit that is doing the rounds and is definitely worth attending is the ‘Dating with Dignity’ summit hosted by Marni Battista.  All these summits focus on you taking action and not waiting for Prince Charming to drop down from the sky.

I like the whole theme of most of these talks – about valuing yourself first and getting your own life together. This brings to mind another interesting email I received on an event, “Marry yourself” based on the premise that the most important relationship you can have is the one with yourself.

Desi Brigit Jones is currently a little overdosed on self-help on love and so has now shifted to creating abundance. I figured, since all the talks and seminar are not manifesting Prince Charming in my life, I might as well try to manifest some wealth and have some fun - without Prince Charming!

However, I shall share all the details of the ‘love’ resources I come across on this blog – good karma they say has to come around someday.

Brigit: Knock Knock!

God: Who’s there?

Brigit: Mr. & Mrs Brigit

God: Brigit who?

Brigit: The Brigit who got married to herself!  I got tired of waiting for you to send my soul mate and since you’re so busy keeping world peace what with recent events in Syria and Egypt, I figured I have no option now but to marry myself. 
So instead of the soul mate, can you now please send me a million dollars – for the honeymoon with myself! :)

Happy Birthday Gandhi!

Today is the birthday of the dhoti clad man from India who gave new meaning to the ‘non – violent’ movement and showed the world what a single man with conviction and passion could do.

What I liked best when reading about Gandhi is that he didn’t have it all together; he struggled with his own insecurities and frailties but still set forth despite them - and led a nation to freedom.

What an inspiration!

Dating Profiles

“I am genuine and simple down to earth guy with a welcoming sense of humor. I have a very eclectic taste in music and movies and always interested in trying something new. I enjoy meeting open minded people who enjoy exploring new places and trying new things. Anyone who is easy-going, sociable, and loves to laugh will get along great with me.”

We Indians love to copy and do so with pride. I’m just appalled at how many men do this even when writing their online profile on dating websites.  I’ve read some variation of the above profile written by at least 15 guys now! Duh!! 

Well, given that the average Indian man on this dating website can’t spell or write well, I’m not surprised they’re doing a ‘copy – paste’ – and the above profile seems to be the ‘master profile’.  I guess the draw is the impressive word ‘eclectic’.

Well, with online dating becoming the ‘in thing’, there are professionals who can help you write a smart online profile ( that btw will be my new business venture ) and one of the ‘gurus’ online is Adam Gilad. He caters to both women and men unlike most of the online resources that I’ve stumbled onto who largely cater to women. Why is that? I suspect it has to do with this apparent evolutionary premise that women are the ones who entice and men are the ‘hunters’. Though why anyone would want to entice someone with bad grammar is beyond me!

Women are also advised to post an attractive picture (smiling and wearing red) as men are largely visual creatures. The last email I got was from a rather charming man who could actually spell (Halleluiah!) asking me to send him my picture.  I didn’t send him a picture but said that with a bit of imagination and under certain lighting conditions (dim!); I’ve been told I resemble Julia Roberts. I never heard back from him; looks like he didn’t like my sense of humor….

Evidently, if you look like a troll, there is no way anyone will be bowled over by just your scintillating personality.

Sigh, apparently love just like beauty is indeed only skin deep.
 

Six degrees of separation

The next time Desi Brigit Jones meets a married man who is making the moves on her, with the disclaimer that he’s separated, she’ll ask him: “What degree”.

 Yes indeed, there are 6 degrees of separation depending on the age group the man is in. In my experience, usually the so called separation is only in the man’s head.  The poor wife in question hasn’t a clue that she is now officially ‘separated’ as he’s never discussed this with her. Probably the telepathic signals announcing the separation didn’t quite cross intergalactic space from Mars to Venus.

Separated can mean physically separated; note – this just means the man is in a different city or country doing a job while the wife and kids are at home waiting for him. He calls them up every evening and yes while he is ‘technically separated’, don’t be fooled if you’re looking for a long term relationship. He’ll soon be separated from you once he switches jobs to another city.  

“But he loves me!”  You may exclaim. Sure, but still run away; for the Jerry Maguire “You complete me” phrase doesn’t refer to you – but his family across the miles.

Separation can be emotional or mental which usually happens in long term relationships when the couple get bored of each other and start taking each other for granted. This is a phenomenon known as the ‘7 year itch’ but given the way everything is changing so fast, what with Facebook, twitter and the internet, this has now been modified to the ‘7 month itch’ that happens every 7 months ( with a different person).

This is when the man or woman will have a dalliance to spice up their lives. Invariably such an affair, from my friend’s experience, also spices up the hitherto bland marriage. So keep in mind that you’ll be nothing more than a spicy ‘pickle’ that will spice up the sour marriage of curd rice in this separated man’s life.  

The above stages of separation usually happen in the 30’s and 40’s.  The apparently ‘unhappy’ man will claim he is separated but cannot leave his wife because of the kids and will weep copious crocodile tears. Do not let those tears melt your delicate heart – just make sure you’re fully stocked with ample boxes of Kleenex that you can hand to him, before you make your dash away.

By the 50’s the man has now reconciled to his fate and the couple will both live their separate lives coming together for important events in their kid’s lives. He will claim he is physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually separated but will not want to take legal actions because of the implications on his social standing. So while you may have tea with him, remember to share nothing but your Marie biscuits with this poor old man who is dying for your companionship.  Pat him on his bald pate too if that makes him and you feel better - before you make a dash away. Leave the packet of Marie Biscuits for him.

 A separated man is still technically married as my friend pointed out to me recently – when I broached the topic of the latest ‘separated’ stud that is making the moves on me.   While being a mistress probably has its benefits, I don’t think that’s one pickle I want to get into.  I'd much rather prefer taking a bite of the spicy Andra Style Mango pickle that my friend’s mother personally makes for me! :)