The “F” Word

Taking off from my earlier post on the meaning of life, my friend and I came up with the term “FESS UP” which I’m told is a valid English slang term (meaning to acknowledge an error). The meaning of life, according to Desi Brigit Jones and Friend is to “FESS UP”: Fornicate, Eat, Sleep and Shit! Now that doesn’t sound quite as attractive as the title of Elizabeth Gilbert’s best-selling ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ so I guess I’ll have to come up with a more profound book title when I chronicle my journey to love.

Desi Brigit Jones is a late bloomer – in all areas of her life and more so in her love life.  She got married in her 30’s, didn’t kiss any frog till her late 20’s (is that why he didn’t turn into a handsome prince?) and never went ‘dating’ officially till her 40’s. So you can imagine her limited experience with the first “F”. It is after all a little difficult to fornicate with St. Peter and the archangels lined up around your catholic bed, waving their hands (and wings) in disapproval.  But Desi Brigit Jones decided it was time to make new choices, stop being a ‘good girl’ and break the rules. So she got the devil to draw some ‘see – proof’ curtains round her bed

Disaster! Sigh… the average Indian man confuses “F” with “Formula 1” racing.  Dear Indian Man - You are not Schumacher racing to the finish line from the twin peaks of Mount Everest.   Also a triumphant “Can I come?!” whilst heaving and pumping  like you’re on a bicycle pump is not romantic and will not get you brownie points with the fairer sex.   Where is connection, intensity, sensuality? Apparently these terms exist only in the ‘Mills and Boons’ that Desi Brigit Jones read as a teenager.

So, Desi Brigit Jones will have to “Fess Up” now; I have termed a new word for “F” – FROYO - Frozen Yogurt! Yes, nothing beats the “FroYo” being sold in Bangalore’s malls!  Eating ‘FroYo’ is a sensual experience; it has a divine vanilla smell and it tastes absolutely yummy. The end result after a bowl of ‘FroYo’ is a feeling of absolute bliss - a state synonymous with the Big ‘O’ as per Masters and Johnson! J .  Ha!