I, Me, Myself

One of the most interesting talks I listed to of late has been Ester Perel’s TED talk on “Desire in a long term relationship”.  Ester Perel is an award winning therapist, author and speaker whose book “Mating in Captivity” is an international best seller.  What I found most fascinating in her TED talk was the notion of how desire begins with the self.

As she says someone can do whatever he or she wants on the outside to stoke desire in you but if there is no one at the reception desk, it’s all in vain.  Too often the questions being asked are ‘do you turn me on, what turns me on with the “I” going out of the picture. 

Rather the key question to ask is: “When do I shut off my desires? I turn myself off when I feel dead inside, when I feel old, when I haven’t had time for myself, when I don’t perform well at work, when I have a sense of low self-esteem”

Desire for the other can be extended to a desire for life; for everything is energy, Eros!  What makes you want to get up in the morning? What makes you turn alive? It’s no surprise that the most attractive people are the ones who are most passionate about something in their lives.

As Perel says, desire is fueled by the ability to stay connected to oneself in the presence of another. It is an act of selfishness in the best sense.

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Brigit: So I guess this means I need to focus on me and my life instead of finding Prince Charming

God: Looks like it

Brigit: Just as well that I’ve signed off from that dating site

God: It also means signing off in your head; i.e. not continually thinking and pining for Mr. E, P or V. Can we chuck the whole romantic alphabet out?

Brigit: I’ll try; always preferred numbers anywayJ.   So in how many days, weeks or months will I meet ‘the one’?!

God: Sigh…!

Brigit: I really like this line of work; can you imagine doing a PHD on love and desire?! How interesting would that be?

God: Now that’s more like it. Btw - I think you’d be ace at it!  J