To see or not to see

Over the weekend, I was invited to a friend’s house for dinner and drinks where a few other couples were invited too. So I drove over all nicely spruced up in my swanky dress wearing my new spectacles instead of the usual contact lenses. While I’d done this merely because my lenses were hurting my eyes, I realized in hindsight that it was probably a wise move. It has been so long since I went out with couples that I’d forgotten the subtle poisonous looks that some married women can give single women whom they view as ‘competition’. I’m told it has to do something with evolution; all this monkey business had to catch up with us someday!

This is something I learned in my 30’s; if you’re a single and attractive woman; the women in the room would rather not have you anywhere near their husbands. Why anyone would even think that I would want to go near their fat, balding, paunchy, boring husbands is beyond me! If only they knew that the staid Desi Brigit Jones has St Peter lodged in her Catholic brain wagging his podgy fingers saying ‘No, No’ to anything even remotely improper.

It has been so long since I’ve hit the social circuit with married couples that I’d forgotten this little unspoken rule. Anyway, I was thankful that I’d worn my soda glasses to tone down the vision of an athletic, svelte body sheathed in a lovely dress (Ok St Peter, I know it is a sin to brag…), and sure enough I hit it off with the women. Nothing breeds success more than looking like a nerd!

Note to self: always wear thick spectacles when going out with couples, especially when you look much younger and prettier than them. Throw the spectacles away if there is a single, eligible bachelor around; just make sure you don’t step on his toes while blindly groping your way through the room. And should you, God forbid, step on his toes, try and get your balance as delicately as possible while leaning on his broad shoulders. Needless to say, make sure you’re leaning on the right man...

Why didn’t anyone tell me this in my 30’s?! Sigh…. The wisdom that comes with age…