Desi Bridget Jones Diary

Love, Life, Relationships and a touch of the Divine!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Absence DOES make the heart grow fonder

I have been vindicated! And by that too by none less than the New York Times!
Desi Brigit Jones would always tell her friends that when she got married, she’d like to still keep her own apartment while he lived in his own apartment – maybe on a separate floor or nearby. To which of course, everyone twittered like I was mad. Well, evidently many people are doing just that according to this article, "Living apart together", and are the better off for it.

I think it makes a lot of sense; I’ve lived bulk of my adult life alone and I enjoy my space. I currently stay in a 1600 square feet, 3 bedroom apartment and fill up every little bit of space. To have another person stay with me would make things a little cramped. Besides, it’s nice to come back after a long day’s work and not have to make conversation with another human being; I’d rather lounge on my couch with a glass of wine and watch ‘Gray’s anatomy’ or ‘Sex in the City’ to unwind.  Can you imagine me doing that with a man around? First of all, an Indian man would probably be glued to the TV watching Cricket – which means either we compromise or we get another TV or better still he gets another apartment so that I get some peace and quiet when the country comes to a standstill when an important cricket match is being played (and they’re all important!). 

On an aside, that’s the nice thing about sports especially in a country like India that is divided so much by language, religion and caste. When it comes to cricket, everyone forgets those divisions and rallies around the nation. Two years ago, when the world cup was being played with India in the finals, I remember taking a cab ride in Calcutta and listening in amusement as the Hindu cab driver and my reserved cultured Catholic uncle animatedly discussed India’s last game. And in the evening, the entire streets were filled with revelers from all walks of life coming together to celebrate India’s victory. Even a non-cricket buff like me was moved and caught up with their enthusiasm.  

But back to the topic – absence indeed does make the heart grow fonder. You can lie in your double bed and pine for your partner and then decide to go down the street to warm his bed – something you’d definitely not do with him snoring beside you (in which case you’d probably slam a pillow on his head to drown out the noise).
Khalil Gibran in his famous poem about marriage said

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.”

I guess for some of us the winds of the heavens need to be able to dance between two separate living spaces so that we ‘quiver with the same music’ when we do meet. 


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