Grief

Ok, now this is a very different post from the usual nature of this blog but then my commitment to myself is to be honest in my writing and some things just cannot be ignored.

It pains me to keep reading in the papers in India of all the atrocities made on women and when I read today about the 5 year old girl who was raped and abused, my heart breaks. When you read such painful stories where the words just can’t be said, writing becomes in a way a form of catharsis.

 I’m aware that I need to keep things in perspective; not all men are beasts. Not everyone is a murderer and the entire world is NOT terrible. I remember the chap on a bicycle who noticed me screaming and running after a man who had groped me on Bangalore’s roads many years ago. This young hero, chased the ‘bad’ guy, knocked him off his bike and would have beaten him black and blue if a nearby lady hadn’t stopped him. I ran up to where my hero and the ‘bad guy’ were and noticed with surprise, how young my gallant hero was; he must have just been in his late teens.

‘Do you want to go the police?’  He asks, looking up rather shyly at me.

 ‘No’ I reply and remembered all the times I have run after other men who have groped me on the roads of Bangalore and when not a soul has helped. I think this incident was in some sense a sign from the universe to a very cynical me (at that point in time) that in the midst of all the darkness in the world, some lights do shine.  After all, it takes just one candle to dispel the darkness in a room.

I keep asking myself when I read painful stories: What do I do? Maybe this is where the answer lies – speaking up when one sees any atrocity happening in the immediate vicinity.  This is an excerpt from a very moving article on domestic abuse: ‘This is a bloke’s issue'.

 Excerpt:

“Now what psychologist have found is that people don’t fail to intervene because of malice or indifference. What they found is that most people fail to intervene because of simple social anxiety. People become self-conscious: what if no one else helps? What if my appraisal of the situation is wrong? What if my help isn’t wanted? What if people think I’m a busybody?

There’s also the assumption that someday else will help – an assumption that increases with a larger number of bystanders. So what happens is there’s a collective reluctance to act until somebody else has acted. Once somebody has, it becomes the normal thing to do – the barrier to action has been broken.

And that’s my challenge to you: be that circuit breaker. Be that person that says something – again and again and again.

Because if we shrug our shoulders when a sex worker is murdered – or a wife is battered to death, then we’re diminished as a community”

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Brigit: Where are you God, when all of this happens?

God: Right beside you

Brigit: Why do you let such painful things happen

God: Free will - my greatest gift to mankind.

Brigit: Essentially you're saying we're responsible for the mess we've made

God: Yes  - but you have the power to do something too. Choice. Free Will - my greatest gift to mankind.