Virtually Yours

Move over S, the new man in my life is Mr. T aka Mr. Twitter. I’ve spent all of the past few days since I’ve signed up, doing nothing but reading up stuff on my Twitter timeline besides learning the protocol of Twitterdom. Yup, RT is retweet… why is there no ‘Twitter for dummies’ note out there?

Mr. S’s main fear when he met me was that I’d find him boring.  Well, talk about a self –fulfilling prophecy; Mr. S is not a patch on Mr. T who has something new to say every second. In fact it’s almost overwhelming; I’ll be reading an article and half way through, there are 20 new tweets demanding my attention. Abha Dawesar in this fascinating TED talk on living in the ‘digital’ world distinguishes between the ‘digital’ now and the ‘now’ in the real world. She likens love to ‘attention’ and being totally present to another in ‘real time’.

One can 'follow' on Twitter and friend / unfriend on Facebook on a whim with just the click of a button.  I love that feature, I just wish I could do that as easily in the real world - “You dork – I zap you to the ends of cyberspace, away from my timeline; may your feeds burn in hell”

According to ‘Uberfacts’ on Twitter, 5 people were killed because they unfriended someone on Facebook! I can quite understand that – given my obsession and grief over being ‘unfriended’ recently on Facebook by someone I liked.  For me, it was a very real experience and a very real relationship.  There is, in fact, a whole new breed of consultants and experts on dating and online relationships. Dr. Sheri Myers in her book ‘Chatting or Cheating’ talks of how cyber affairs are increasingly becoming common and offers tips on how to ‘cyber-affair’ proof your relationship.  So how real or unreal are relationships that are virtual?   

Joaquin Phoenix’s love affair with a computer in the  movie ‘HER’ was certainly real to him.  We have cyber affairs and cyber breakups; the only thing that is missing is cyber kids which incidentally are not too far off. The Japanese have developed the ‘Tamagotchi’ which is an egg shaped toy that needs to be fed, nurtured and taken care off else it will ‘die’ like a child.  

Well Desi Brigit Jones is not having any kids; I’m going to have some ‘Tamagotchi’ and will name them after my various online beaus. Being a good catholic, I shall also ensure that they’re baptized; oops – this brings on another conundrum – my Tamagotchi are all illegitimate in the eyes of the church!

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Brigit: I’ve spent all day with Mr. T. It’s now past 10pm on a Friday night and I’m talking to you.  I feel like I’m living a virtual life in more ways than one.

God: Well, aren’t I an interesting bloke to talk to? Better than Mr. T I bet!  

Brigit: Kind of – at least you’re listening to me. In fact I think you’re the best of the lot. I say we get into a relationship.

God: We are already in a relationship. You just don’t know whether I'm real or not.